What could it look like if you follow God where he is telling you to go?
This time last year, I had just about finished my fundraising to go on my first missions trip in June 2011. The thought of going to Africa both excited me because I had always dreamed of going and also terrified me because it was so far away and so unknown.
To say I "picked" a missions trip would be such a lie, it picked me... or better yet God laid it right in my path for me to trip over. After reading about the organizations we would be working with and researching them a bit, I fell in love with P61 and decided to sponsor a child. When Neil and I received our information and picture of Teshome we thought he was so handsome and were thrilled to hear he was living with his mom, dad, brothers and sister. I was also excited that after a year of supporting him to go to a local school, I would have the chance to meet him and his family. For Neil and I this seemed an easy sponsorship, much like the ones everyone else I know participates in. Send money, get a letter each year, feel good about helping. It felt "hands on" but in actuality was so "hands off".
Once I got to Africa and met Teshome, I was SHOCKED to feel such love for him only moments into meeting him. I probably embarrassed him something awful because I just couldn't stop hugging him. Then it was time to visit his home. That's when the walls of our "easy sponsoring" came crumbling down. The information we had about his family was all wrong. An intern with P61 had interviewed Teshome about his family and to him his parents and siblings were still his family even though his reality involved none of them. He lived with his aunt and uncle whom we met and had a coffee ceremony with but all along felt there was something strange about the situation. The mood in the home was much different than what I was experiencing everywhere else in Ethiopia. I knew leaving Ethiopia that we were more important to this young boy than we had first realized. It wasn't until I was home that I learned of the abuse going on and that the good people in Korah were able to get him out of his home, into a safe shelter, and eventually into a boarding school. Now we were his family. What if I hadn't gone to see with my own eyes? Here was a shy boy who wouldn't want to bother others with his situation. He needed help, but didn't believe that help was there for him. He needed to see how loved he was before he would ask for help.
There was never a question of "if" we would support him more...he was one of the family now and nothing we do for him feels like a sacrifice. Would sending your own child to a safe school seem like a sacrifice? No, it would feel like parental joy to be able to do this for your child. I was shocked at how deep our feelings have become for Teshome and can't wait to wrap my arms around my child on the other side of the world again. Leaving Africa felt like abandoning my child, but it has tested my faith in God and trust that he loves Teshome even more than I do and that He has been caring for him every step of the way.
Okay, after Ethiopia my team traveled to Uganda. To be honest I was feeling like God had just asked a lot from my family and was just beginning to open our hearts in new ways. That kind of stretching made me cry out to God for a little break emotionally. I knew taking on another sponsor child was too much for me at that time after all I had just experienced, so when God introduced me to Vanessa I quickly put spiritual ear plugs in and tried to move on from my day spent with her. However, eventually those ear plugs came out. It wasn't until after I was back in the states and could not stop thinking and dreaming about her that I contacted Pastor Samuel to see if she had a sponsor. She did not and my husband and I decided this was what God was calling us to do. Happily we signed up for an "easy" sponsorship. Vanessa lived with her mother and we would provide for her school and medical. We looked forward to praying for her and getting our one letter a year.
Apparently God had bigger plans again. Just last week I received word that Vanessa's mother died suddenly. It has shocked her community and tipped Vanessa's world upside down. It's making me confront God on new levels again. Why do children who have almost nothing have to lose the most important person to them? This time I watched the progression of a child become an orphan. It breaks my heart in new ways.
Today I wonder, what if I had not gone to Africa? What if I had instead used the money spent on the trip to sponsor 50 kids? I have no doubt that those 50 kids would be thankful for a change in their situation, but what about my two kids that needed a deeper sponsorship... and emotional sponsorship. My own heart would not have been broken in new ways and I would not see the world through this new filter that has brought me more joy than I ever expected.
Since this time last year, my heart is more broken, I love deeper, I trust God more, I know that saying yes to Him comes with hard things but those hard things are seriously the best things in life. I know now that when people here in the states see me walking with my kids they see a mom of 3, but when God sees me He sees a mom of 5.
"Going" could be Africa, Haiti, the shelter down the street, or the local foster care classes. If God asks you to go, don't be held back by fear of the details or the unknown...GO! I promise He has big and beautiful things to show you!
