What a Difference a Year Makes

What could it look like if you follow God where he is telling you to go?

This time last year, I had just about finished my fundraising to go on my first missions trip in June 2011.  The thought of going to Africa both excited me because I had always dreamed of going and also terrified me because it was so far away and so unknown. 

To say I "picked" a missions trip would be such a lie, it picked me... or better yet God laid it right in my path for me to trip over.  After reading about the organizations we would be working with and researching them a bit, I fell in love with P61 and decided to sponsor a child.  When Neil and I received our information and picture of Teshome we thought he was so handsome and were thrilled to hear he was living with his mom, dad, brothers and sister.  I was also excited that after a year of supporting him to go to a local school, I would have the chance to meet him and his family.  For Neil and I this seemed an easy sponsorship, much like the ones everyone else I know participates in.  Send money, get a letter each year, feel good about helping.  It felt "hands on" but in actuality was so "hands off". 

Once I got to Africa and met Teshome, I was SHOCKED to feel such love for him only moments into meeting him.  I probably embarrassed him something awful because I just couldn't stop hugging him.  Then it was time to visit his home.  That's when the walls of our "easy sponsoring" came crumbling down.  The information we had about his family was all wrong.  An intern with P61 had interviewed Teshome about his family and to him his parents and siblings were still his family even though his reality involved none of them.  He lived with his aunt and uncle whom we met and had a coffee ceremony with but all along felt there was something strange about the situation.  The mood in the home was much different than what I was experiencing everywhere else in Ethiopia.  I knew leaving Ethiopia that we were more important to this young boy than we had first realized.  It wasn't until I was home that I learned of the abuse going on and that the good people in Korah were able to get him out of his home, into a safe shelter, and eventually into a boarding school.  Now we were his family.  What if I hadn't gone to see with my own eyes?  Here was a shy boy who wouldn't want to bother others with his situation.  He needed help, but didn't believe that help was there for him.  He needed to see how loved he was before he would ask for help.

There was never a question of "if" we would support him more...he was one of the family now and nothing we do for him feels like a sacrifice.  Would sending your own child to a safe school seem like a sacrifice?  No, it would feel like parental joy to be able to do this for your child.  I was shocked at how deep our feelings have become for Teshome and can't wait to wrap my arms around my child on the other side of the world again.  Leaving Africa felt like abandoning my child, but it has tested my faith in God and trust that he loves Teshome even more than I do and that He has been caring for him every step of the way.

Okay, after Ethiopia my team traveled to Uganda.  To be honest I was feeling like God had just asked a lot from my family and was just beginning to open our hearts in new ways.  That kind of stretching made me cry out to God for a little break emotionally.  I knew taking on another sponsor child was too much for me at that time after all I had just experienced, so when God introduced me to Vanessa I quickly put spiritual ear plugs in and tried to move on from my day spent with her.  However, eventually those ear plugs came out.  It wasn't until after I was back in the states and could not stop thinking and dreaming about her that I contacted Pastor Samuel to see if she had a sponsor.  She did not and my husband and I decided this was what God was calling us to do.  Happily we signed up for an "easy" sponsorship.  Vanessa lived with her mother and we would provide for her school and medical.  We looked forward to praying for her and getting our one letter a year. 

Apparently God had bigger plans again.  Just last week I received word that Vanessa's mother died suddenly.  It has shocked her community and tipped Vanessa's world upside down.  It's making me confront God on new levels again.  Why do children who have almost nothing have to lose the most important person to them?  This time I watched the progression of a child become an orphan.  It breaks my heart in new ways. 

Today I wonder, what if I had not gone to Africa?  What if I had instead used the money spent on the trip to sponsor 50 kids?  I have no doubt that those 50 kids would be thankful for a change in their situation, but what about my two kids that needed a deeper sponsorship... and emotional sponsorship.  My own heart would not have been broken in new ways and I would not see the world through this new filter that has brought me more joy than I ever expected.

Since this time last year, my heart is more broken, I love deeper, I trust God more, I know that saying yes to Him comes with hard things but those hard things are seriously the best things in life.  I know now that when people here in the states see me walking with my kids they see a mom of 3, but when God sees me He sees a mom of 5. 

"Going" could be Africa, Haiti, the shelter down the street, or the local foster care classes.  If God asks you to go, don't be held back by fear of the details or the unknown...GO!  I promise He has big and beautiful things to show you! 

Sick With Myself

This is what makes me sick today.

In anticipation of a move coming up in the next 45 days or so(dates and place are still a mystery), I started to pack some boxes today. I started easy with things we don't really use or rarely remember we have. I packed three boxes that I bet are in all of your houses, too.  "Extra blankets", "extra bedding", and "stuffed animals".

After taping them up and being confident I will not miss these for a couple months if not longer, I stacked them in my kitchen. I was immediately uncomfortable looking at them. Not so long ago, I spent time with families that could fit all of their belongings into these boxes.  Some would have had a box or two to spare.  Me? I have so many "extras" that once I move these boxes to storage my husband won't even notice I have removed anything from the home.

Literally sick to my stomach. What am I going to do about it? I don't know, but I think this move might be painful and also liberating if I can do it right.

My mission now: Find as much stuff as I can that I don't need to hang onto for "someday" and put it in the hands of someone that needs it now. My problem is, if I don't know where to take it I will just give to Rescue Mission.  I would love to know of some other organizations that need items. Any of you know some good ones? My guess is that I will have a little of everything.

Shashemene Here He Comes!!

Today is Monday, the start of the new week.  I made breakfast for my kids, checked facebook, watched a little Curious George, and put the kids down for their naps.  Plans for the rest of the day are some grocery shopping and cleaning my bathroom.  No big deal, just another Monday here in America.
Well, today was not just another Monday in Ethiopia!  Today, Teshome got on a bus and left dusty Korah for the paradise setting of Shashemene boarding school...pretty much every kid's dream when you live in Korah.

It was on the plane leaving Ethiopia this summer, that I composed my first of many emails to P61 expressing my desire to get T into boarding school.  The school was full... really full, and if a spot did open up it would go to the children that were in most need.  Well, Teshome had a home and that's a big step up from other kids.  This was going to have to be a God thing.  After I visited his home where he lived with his aunt and uncle, I knew something was very wrong but I was not sure if it was just my lack of cultural knowledge.  Turns out my gut was right and his uncle had been abusing him badly.  The great men at Great Hope pulled him out of his home after he came to Sammy badly beaten with his face swollen.  He spent the summer living at the shelter in back of the church with some other boys from the community.
 After a wonderful phone chat with my friend Kari today, I got to hear more about Teshome's summer and his heart. Kari and her husband Roger spent the summer in Korah with a group of boys and Teshome was lucky enough to be counted among their group.  He faithfully attended their bible study each day and went on amazing adventures around the city while learning to DREAM BIG!  The people of Korah are beautiful, but the streets and buildings sometimes don't reflect what is in a person's heart. It's so appropriate that after this summer of living in the shelter and healing, he should leave these crumbling and broken homes and head to a place that looks more like how his heart feels today.  A beautiful, sturdy, life giving place.

Teshome and I spent two awesome days together in Korah and he completely captured my heart.  The longing to hug him is just as strong now as it was day I left him.  For now, the beauty of this school is going to have to be enough of a "long distance love hug" for him.

Today while I am doing all my "Monday" activities, I can't help but imagine Teshome's face as the bus pulls into the school grounds.  Soccer fields to the left with real goals and lush grass everywhere.  Getting out and walking through the canopy of hanging vines and shady branches. The little paths lined with gorgeous flowers and mango and avocado trees.  In my mind he does not smiling all day today, and so in turn neither do I.

Since I have visited this school, I can picture right where he will be whenever Manchester United is playing.  I can almost imagine him in the amphitheater jumping and cheering for Rooney! I love that he will sit in this cafeteria eating all his meals EVERY DAY!!

When Teshome and I were in Korah together, the best places we found to play were very different from any place I had spent time.Walls of dirt, dry dirt ground, laundry hanging, stray puppies, and in the middle of a construction sight. 

                   The last time we walked hand in hand together was down these streets of Korah.

 

The next time we hold hands might be on this beautiful path at his school.  With tears in my eyes I joyfully think of Teshome heading to dinner tonight on this very path.  I know starting to sponsor a child seems so small because there are so many children who are in need.  It's days like today that I'm reminded that I don't have to change the world for every child, but I hate to imagine if I hadn't started small with a simple local school sponsorship a little over a year ago.  God has used this experience to change both of our lives.

I love you, Teshome, and I can't wait to see what this year has in store for you!!

Africa: Part 11 "Karamajong Tribe"

Waking up on this second to last morning in Africa, I have to be honest that I was ready to go home.  I was ready for a hot shower and time to sit and relax.  Today was sort of a "half day" which is good because the team was really starting to fade.  Mama Rebecca made us a wonderful breakfast, as usual, and then we were off to shop at the market and eat at a cafe called The Source.

The market was a lot of fun to shop at because we could barter, although I am sure we still paid too much.  I was missing Henok, our guide in Ethiopia, who went to the market with us there and would help us negotiate.  There were lots of fun instruments, jewelry, and art work.  I had already purchased most of my gifts I could from the ministries we were visiting so I knew that at least my money was going to a good cause, however, I did find the most beautiful painting in the market place and can't wait to have it framed to hang up! When we were shopping, it always seemed  rushed so there was little time to think about which stuff was the really great stuff to get at the time.  I know now for our next trip, the shop with these paintings is where I need to go.  After figuring out that the exchange rate and realizing that it was about $5, I kicked myself for not buying more.

We had lunch at The Source, which apparently is code for "where the Americans eat".  We met lots of Americans who were living in Uganda now and apparently this was the internet cafe to hang out in.  After lunch, we were off to visit our last ministry.  Pastor Andrew has been working with the Karamajong tribe in Uganda and the ministry is really still in it's infancy.  We only visited one village of this tribe, but as soon as we arrived we quickly saw this to be what you think of when you think poor living conditions in Africa.  It looks like those infomercials with the naked kids with bloated bellies and terribly unsanitary living conditions.  No place we had visited had been good living conditions, but this was the worst.  The other ministries we had been with were more established and had been around for a while so they had rules for the children and had worked really hard to teach the kids manors.  All of the ministries had a focus on teaching the children not to beg and as a team we respected each leader and followed their direction when handing out candy or other goodies.  At a lot of places, we gave our donated items right to the leader to hand out at another time so we were free to just enjoy our time with the kids and they didn't see us as only a means to stuff.  These were big steps for the children and for us Americans.  I write all of this to say that I know a goal of Pastor Andrew's is to bring these children some of these same values, but they were not there yet.

This part of the Karamajong tribe is an outcast group in Uganda and there is much prejudice against them.  It's difficult for them to find what little work there is because of their position in the tribe.  There are no schools these children are allowed to attend, so Pastor Andrew is working on building them.  They are starting with a preschool, which a friend on the trip is raising funds for.  We got to see the beginnings of the construction while we were there, and our friend was able to bring the first installment for the building project.  That was a wonderful sight.

When it came time for us to break into two groups, one to stay with the women and one to go with the children, I chose to go with the children.  It sounded like the other group had a good time meeting with the women and doing manicures.  Those of us with the children did not have it quite so easy.  The children one on one were sweet and affectionate, but as a group were unruly and aggressive.  We were given instructions to just pass out our items and since this was our last stop we brought everything we had left.  There was one teacher there that tried to make a line for the children and we tried to help her keep that line, but it was no use.  It was intense and at times a bit scary.  After a few minutes and breaking up some fights in line, we quickly passed stuff out and got it over with as fast as possible.  The leaders of the other ministries had told us how hard they had worked with their children from homes with no father, many children, and little constructive discipline.  I had not realized what an amazing job they had done until now, but I also saw such hope for Pastor Andrew because I had seen that the children could still be taught.  Without these skills, there would be no chance of attending school with other children and no opportunities of finding good work as they got older. 

After this crazy time with the kids, we headed back to join as a group again.  Some of the older children put on an AMAZING show for us displaying their tribal dances.  It was one of the greatest treats of the trip!  I was regretting not purchasing the bells that go on your legs in the market earlier.  I didn't quite understand how they worked until I saw them in action.  The dancing was unbelievably beautiful as were the people.  After the dancing it was almost time for us to go, but first we wanted to purchase some necklaces from the women because this is one of their only sources of income.  Like I said before, this tribe is still rough around the edges and each woman sells for herself, so we had to buy an equal amount from each woman so as to not cause problems.  Our group only had enough to buy one from each woman because there were quite a few women.  A much better place to buy necklaces than in the market though.

This tribe was the hardest group for me to be with and a bit exhausting especially at the very end of our trip.  I wonder what my feelings would have been if we had visited them on the first few days of our trip.  Instead of being in a bit of shock of what I saw, maybe my heart would have broken a little more for them.  I think I will have to visit them again someday and see them from a different view.

Back at Canaan's, I used our free time to pack.  With my bags ready to go, I was able to enjoy a delicious dinner and sleep happily for my last night in Africa. 

Africa: Part 10 "Church Like I've Never Seen"

School room where we had Sunday school

Sunday!  I know a lot of us had been waiting for a day of worship for a while now. Our days had been so busy there was little time to debrief as a team and devotionals were almost nonexistent.  We started today with a wonderful breakfast and then headed off in groups to teach Sunday school before church.  Sunday school and church were open to the community, which is almost exclusively Muslim, so we were excited to see who would show up today.

I was with the teenage group and we were teaching the same "Gold" message we had brought to each group we ministered to along the trip.  The group was mostly boys and from their facial expressions seemed very uninterested in what we had to say... until we asked them to share.  These boys heard our message loud and clear and were more honest about their feelings than our other groups.  To hear them talk about how it makes them sad that nobody knows the real them was heartbreaking and also a universal feeling here in Africa and all over my local high school back home.  I could tell by the answers they were giving they are getting a solid biblical education at Canaan's and for that I was grateful.

After Sunday school we headed over to church and settled in.  As with everywhere we went, we sat in the plastic chairs up front with the wooden benches lined up behind us. I was in the last row of chairs before the benches started and the room was packed so there was almost no space between the ladies sitting behind me and my chair.  As the worship started we rose to sing and dance with the crowd.  The only problem was we didn't know any of the songs.  I was a little sad because I was ready to sing and found it hard to join in, but to watch the room worship with such zeal was awesome.  It went on and on, and as we neared the middle of the worship time I started to hear some commotion behind me.  I didn't want to be rude so I didn't look for quite a while.  Soon it became too much for me not to look as someone started kicking my chair.  When I turned around, I was surprised to see a woman thrashing on the floor yelling and screaming.  There were about five other women trying to contain her, but she was strong.  I had never seen for my own eyes anyone that was possesed, but I was pretty sure that was the case and after speaking to the pastor later that day at lunch I found this to be true.  As the women were lifting her by her limbs to carry her outside, she turned to me and began spitting on the back of my head.  Well, that was something new.  I've been spit up on in church before, but never spit on... and certainly not by someone who is possesed.  I'm not going to lie, it freaked me out a bit.  I found out later that she was carried outside where they performed an exersisim of sorts and now the woman is okay.

 This church was full of new experiences for me today.  Watching the hearts pouring out during worship was moving, and the way they take offerings was interesting.  There were a few offerings taken and with each one they would ask members (not us guests) to bring the offering forward.  If they didn't have it with them, they could run home now and get it, there was time... this process took a while.  If they didn't want to go home, they could come up and sign a paper saying they would bring it back later.  I liked the way they gave every opportunity to tithe.  There would be no excuses today other than not wanting to give anything.

Pastor Isaac 

Pastor Issac, who's life story could be a book and probably should be, gave a message about bringing all of us together (the American's and his congregation).  I liked how he call all of us out on our stuff.  He called the Americans out for being, well... Americans, and he called his people out for sometimes viewing foreigners coming in as nothing more than money.  After this time he gave us to *ehem* humble ourselves, he asked our three men to come and "preach".  The first guy to get up is a teenager who just graduated high school, but he has seen more life than a lot of us.  He spoke beautiful truth about how God loved him through all the years he walked so far away from Him.  The next man that got up spoke from personal experience about how it's never too late to come to know Jesus.  He was a man who strayed from his family and divorced his wife.  After finding God, he came back to his family and remarried his wife... a powerful message to this community and to our own communities back home.  The last man from our team to get up was a man I had admired this whole trip.  He and his wife had been a constant bright energy every single moment of the trip.  I had seen him be humble and kind to everyone on the team, play soccer with the boys until he might collaps, and always knew the names of the people carrying our bags or dishing up watermellon.  I was not prepared for the Greg I was about to see on the pulpet.

Greg stepped up on the stage and I was prepared to hear another testomony, but that is not the message God had for him to share today.  He continued along with Pastor Issac's message about coming together as one group in the eyes of God.  In the middle of sharing scripture and preaching God lead him to abandon his message and he asked us all to stand and pray for one another.  With in minutes, he had us push chairs and benches aside and called whom ever needed prayer to come forward and find one of our team members so we could pray for them.  Now, had this been day 1-5 I would have been nervous and wanting to run out of the room to avoid something like this because it was not comfortable, but it was day 11 and I was more flexible now to go where the spirit was leading.  The first few women that came to me, I laid hands on them and prayed as best I knew how.  My prayers were not fancy or even well constructed, but they were honest.  As the time was wrapping up, a teenage girl pushed through the crowd and fell into my arms.  At that exact moment, I kid you not, I literally felt her pain as if it were my own.  Imediately I burst into tears blubbering some sort of pray that was probably half sentences because this pain was so intense. I have no idea how long we were together because all sense of time was lost in that moment. We embraced and cried until our time was up.  That prayer for her was probably the purest time of prayer I have ever had.  I have never cried out like that before and never been so sure I was being heard.

Church wrapped up and we headed to lunch before our group was going on a Nile boat tour.  I will add a few picture of that because it was beautiful, but it was just a bit of sight seeing and not as interesting as the other stuff we were doing.  We went to the source of the Nile, that was neat, and then had another 18 hour long dinner.  Okay, it wasn't actually 18 hours, but in an African resturant it just seems that way.  There is no order to how your order is taken or delivered.  You could order and wait 45 minutes for some food to start arriving and people could be done with their dessert before your dinner has even made it's way infront of you.  The last person to order might even get their food first. Not my favorite part of Africa :)

As we made our way back to Canaan's, I still couldn't get my mind off the spit that had sprayed the back of my head that morning and without proper showers was probably mostly still in there.  While talking with my leader, what I knew to be true in my heart was reiterated in prayer for me.  While this was something new for me, it had no more power than I was willing to give it.  So that night as I lay in my bed, my prayers took away all power that experience had to scare me.  Another peaceful nights sleep in Africa. 

Africa: Part 9 "First Night at Canaan's"

Evelyn in blue

 The evening after our home visits with Return Ministries, we loaded onto our bus driven by Abus and headed to Jinja where Canaan's Children's Home is.  We still had two more ministries to meet, but this was to be our last place to settle in and call home. This had been the place our teammates that had been on previous trips had talked about since day one and to be honest that was the reason I wasn't as excited about it.  I guess my YL camp advice about not talking so much about previous trips was true.  It deflated the balloon for a lot of us on the trip to hear about Canaan's from day one as we were all trying to stay present and take in each day as it came.  Never the less, we arrived in the evening after a long day and were met by warm friendly children while we settled in the best we could to our new home.   As with the other places, the children chose their people as soon as we stepped off the bus.  I was chosen by two older girls but only Evelyn stayed with me the whole time.

 It's a good thing this was the end of our trip and we had seen a lot and were pretty much exhausted because it really was the toughest place to stay.  The accommodations would have seemed much more unreasonable if I was not so drained.  Health-wise I was feeling better at this point and now the exhaustion was settling in.  The things that would have made me cry if it had been the first day simply didn't phase me and looking back that is a miracle in itself.  The bathrooms were located in the back of the little house we stayed in, never had hot water, and there was no electricity in them.  Each stall had a "shower," toilet, and sink, but since the showers were actually just a spray head into a small basin with no curtain they left water all over the dirty cement floor and Mama Rebecca insisted we not wear shoes in the house.  Sigh... at this point I didn't care about dirty feet.  I hadn't felt clean since we entered Uganda and knew now that was a dream that could only be fulfilled once I was home again.  My roommate and I did luck out with the best room seeing as another rooms had some sort of snail creature growing on the wall and the teens had about 1 billion gnats and mosquitoes die over night in their room. NO JOKE, they had to get a broom to sweep them away and be able to see the floor... they COVERED everything.  Here's the thing I had realized by now though, the people who put us up here were giving us the very best of what they have.  None of the people we were serving, including the couple running the children's home, lived in such luxury as we were bunking in for the next few nights.  For this reason, I stayed grateful for my bed and didn't look around in dark corners for things I didn't want to see.

Back hallway to bathrooms

Path between our house and dinning hall

Beyond the conditions of our living area, this was emotionally the hardest place to stay.  On the other days, we would minister to a group and then go back to our guest house to rest up before the next day.  At Canaan's we stayed right on sight at the home.  We were awaken with the children singing outside our house and when you opened the door there were no shortage of children sitting and waiting for you.  Often after a meal or in the morning I would walk outside and find Evelyn waiting for me.  I would feel guilty for taking so long eating, texting with Neil in the dinning hall, or taking my time getting ready in the morning after seeing her waiting patiently for me.  I was exhausted after these days and found it very difficult to give of every moment I was not eating or sleeping.  You could tell who the very strong team members were or the ones that had been waiting the whole trip to be here because they would be up very late playing outside with the children and would rise early to go join them again.  I am a bit ashamed to say I was not among this crowd.  Much of me wanted to be, but I was conserving energy at this point and selfishly I was missing home and Ethiopia a bit.  I spent some free time looking through pictures, journaling, and starting to pack for home.  Poor Evelyn, I wondered if she regretted picking me that first day.

All of our shoes by the front door 

Going to bed that night, I was looking forward to a bit of an easier day ahead of us.  Tomorrow was Sunday and we would have church and our Nile Boat tour the next day.  It probably would have felt like a sabbath if we were staying anywhere else, but it was what it was.  I had no idea the morning that I was in for!

Africa: Part 8 "Return Day 2"

The day before, I hadn't known what to expect from Return Ministries, but now going into day two I was excited to see more.  I was still feeling under the weather but was determined to push on with everything I had and walk the entire way through the village.  I know you're not supposed to drink coffee AND have an energy drink, but today my energy couldn't have started much lower.  Between the two boosts of energy and the antibiotic, I am happy to say I stayed on my feet until bedtime.

We met Pastor Samuel at his church to get an idea of what we were going to do that day.  Today was a day filled with home visits.  Our purpose was to encourage the single moms and grandmothers, pray with/for them, and also deliver a bag of necessities for the house hold. 

Personally I was still okay with being present on these days but not connecting enough to have to do more in Uganda.  God had different plans... MUCH different plans.  I went to bed the night before not being able to stop thinking about Vanessa, so it was no surprise to me that the first home visit we did out of this whole village was Vanessa's home.  I STILL wasn't ready to give into the not so quiet messages God was sending me.  Let's just say I was being a bit of a petulant child and God was going to have to bring me kicking and screaming through my preconceived ideas about Uganda. 



Vanessa is in pink



Vanessa's family lives in this building owned by someone in the church.  It stores bricks (you can see some in the windows and door) and in the space left, there is a mom and four children.  The mom is HIV positive and is often sick, and that leaves Vanessa the oldest to care for the younger children.  (Vanessa is in the pink tank top)  It was hearing this families story where I saw my simple lap that was offered yesterday to Vanessa for a nap as a bigger deal than I first thought it was.  I know people have opinions about short term missions teams going into these villages and playing with the children and then leaving, but sometimes you don't know the whole story.  Today I got to see a bigger picture.  It wouldn't have mattered if I knew the whole story the day before, what mattered was that God knew that Vanessa needed a soft place to land that day.  A lap that she could curl up and rest without a care in the world if only for a little while.  Most of the time we just need to show up to be used by God.  I was only arms wrapped around her, but that time was God's gift meant for only Vanessa to give her a break from her overwhelming responsibilities and a chance to be a kid for a little while.  I'm thankful that God chose to reveal to me that my seemingly unimportant acts of the day before might have actually been some of the most important work I did.  You don't always have to preach, start a church, lead hundreds in worship, or be a long term missionary to do God's work.  That day, all He asked of me was to wrap my arms around His hurting child and love big.  I will never know all the stories of the children I spent time with, but my hope is that I was being used in their life the same way that I was in Vanessa's.

We traveled from house to house laying hands on the women and praying for their families. 

As we walked through the village the children would come and follow us calling out to the "mzungus" which means white people.  After a few minutes we would have to send them back to where they walked from.  They were little and even though their parents were not out with them, Pastor Samuel knew that they needed to stay close to their home. 



We walked a long way that day and saw most of the village.  We walked along the source of their water that wound through the houses.  It was dirty, had trash in it, and the animals used it just as much as the humans. 

This one house we visited, there were twelve people that lived in this small dwelling.  You can see along the wall were the water line is.  During the rainy season the water fills to that line... there is nowhere else for them to go. 

The house that hit home for me was one that I reached before the rest of the team.  Pastor Samuel and I had been walking and talking and so we reached this home first.  When we announced ourselves, it was quickly clear that the only one home was this sweet LITTLE baby.  The baby was less than four months old and resting peacefully alone at home but had obviously been lovingly tucked in.  Surprisingly, I felt no judgment of the mom for leaving the baby, but I felt sad that there aren't really any other options.  The mom would have been out trying to find food or work.  I was asked to pray for this home. We had been told not to cry in front of the women in the village, but in the absence of an adult my prayer was filled with the emotion in my voice and quieted by my desire to cry.

As we walked, I knew for sure that this was an amazing ministry, but again I was still in denial about getting involved.  Knowing that this ministry was something my in-laws would fall in love with, I decided to leave the money they had sent with me to donate with Return Ministry.  Foolishly, I thought this would totally appease the tugging at my heart for these people. 

An afternoon rain storm rolled through and we found shelter in town before heading back to Pastor Samuel's house where Sarah made us another AMAZING dinner.  I have been dreaming of those bean since my return home and wishing I could get some in the US. 

Pastor Samuel and Sarah were such wonderful hosts and I am happy to say that Neil and I have decided to partner with them and their ministry for the foreseeable future.  That's right, once I was back in the states I finally gave in to the Lord's call for me.  I no longer dread the idea of going back to Uganda but actually look forward to the day we get to spend time with our new friends. 

I am really focused on the feeding program for the village children and will be doing some creative things to raise money for it.  By the beginning of September I will be selling beautiful jewelry where 100% of what you all pay for it goes DIRECTLY to the feeding program.  I'm excited to see what we can do.  I'm excited to see loving and generous people that I know wearing stunning jewelry and each time remembering the children that ate until their bellies were as full as they could be. 

I am also happy to announce that my mother and her neighbor have started sewing dresses and shorts for the children in the village.  Their goal is 100 pieces by the beginning of November.  If you want to sew with them, let me know and I will get you in touch with their group "In My Mother's Honor". 

I am so excited to see where this new relationship is headed.  So little here goes SO FAR there.  Before I actually knew and trusted someone in Africa, I was skeptical that the money was being used appropriately or for the children at all.  I'm not saying there are not many organizations that are corrupt, but I'm just glad that I know of one that is not.  It gives me tangible goals to work towards and a connection to know how things are going. 

If any of you would like to help and never knew how just let me know.  Maybe there is a specific area of this ministry you would love to help with.  Of course there are children to sponsor, but if that's not a commitment you want to make, there are so many other areas of need that could use even one time donations. 

Okay, one last fun fact.  We thought Ethiopia was a culture shock with toilets, but when we got to Uganda we met a whole other experience.  When I saw my first "squatty potty" I was convinced I would hold it until we were always back at the guest house at night.  However, being sick forced me to drink tons of water throughout the day...

I am here to tell you they are not bad at all!  For those of you that know me well, you know that's a huge statement from me.  If you ever encounter one, do not be scared.  Go ahead and step right in :)

Africa: Part 7 "Return Ministry Day 1"

I woke up on our first morning that we were headed to Return Ministries with only a little more energy then the day before.  I was just thankful to not be getting worse.  I was gratful now for my basement room.  It had stone walls which kept it cooler than upstairs, it stayed dark in the morning so I could sleep later than five, and there were no mosquitoes or other bugs that seemed to be biting my fellow teammates.  We had our own bathroom with a shower room and I was starting to feel pretty comfortable down there.  As my roommate was in the shower I walked over to our side table where my flip flops where only to find a cockroach the size of a match box car IN MY SHOE!  I kicked my shoe and he ran UNDER MY BED.  When my brave roomy came out of the shower she tried to kill it, but I was no help and jumped like a little girl.  He ran into the sitting room and that was good enough for me.  At this point in the trip I was too tired to even care if there were more under my bed and had discovered that you should not look for things that you do not want to see. 

That morning, we headed to Return Ministries with Pastor Samuel.  This is an amazing organization and we were there today to do a program with the kids and also serve in the feeding program.  Because I was still not feeling great I decided to give our team photographer a break to be more hands on and I took over taking pictures of everyone today.  Why not?  I had already decided my heart was in Ethiopia and not Uganda so why not take a step back from some activities today. We were not there more then five minutes before my heart melted and I was not only in love with these children but with this organization as well.

 Return Ministry has a small house with fifteen true orphans that are taken care of by Pastor Samuel's parents, but the larger part of their ministry is in the community helping the fatherless. I wish I could recreate Pastor Samuel's speech to us about the importance of fathers and their authority, but I know I would not do it justice. What I do remember is him telling us to not be visitors today but to be mothers and fathers to these children. Hold them, cuddle them, play with them as if they were our own. I did not realize these were things not commonly present in their culture, but the children still desperately needed it. Most of them had mothers or grandmothers taking care of them, but not in the outwardly effectionate ways we thing of here in America.

 As we climbed off the bus we were amazed at the sight of these kids. They were dressed in there best clothes for us. Some looked like they could be flower girls and one was even in a red velvet dress on this hot day. The kids sang for us and then our group sang for them. We played, laughed, and broke the kids up into age groups to do different activities. It was busy while we all sang silly songs, colored, painted nails, and the older kids heard the same "gold" message from the other day.

 After all the fun, it was time for lunch. Before we arrived today, I assumed that we were feeding the kids today the meal they get everyday. It wasn't until we were handing the food out that I asked more questions. I was so pleased when I saw the large portions of rice, beans, and some veggies, and then my heart sank when I found out they only get this once a week and sometimes it's only porridge and other times not even that. These small children ate more food at that lunch than my "picky eaters" eat in a day. How their bellies must hurt before that food and how it must hurt some after all that food, too. If it was the only meal I could count on for the week I'm sure I wouldn't leave a grain of rice either. We helped do the dishes after which is a huge job itself. There were only about 150 kids there today because of school, but the feeding can get up to 300 kids. Can you imagine just doing all those dishes by hand with no running water?! My favorite part about this program is that it's not just for "sponsored" kids but for all the kids in the village. You want to know the crazy part? For this amount of food it's only $1/kid! I could feel my heart starting to stir as I watched these children eat.

 Some of the children were getting tired by this point in the day and after such a big meal. The smaller children climbed up into our laps for a nap, but I was surprised to find that the little girl I had been hanging out with, Vanesa, wanted to cuddle up for a rest as well. I figured she was around six or seven years old and was shocked to find out later that she is nine. I was happy to be a lap for her to rest in.

 After we fed the children lunch,we headed back to Pastor Samuel's house where his wife Sarah made us an amazing lunch! We had a chance to hear about Pastor Samuel's plans for the future with this community and finding self sustaining ways of bringing education and jobs to the struggling single mothers and their children. It's a beautiful vision and I can not wait to see where it goes! Back at the guest house, the team went for ice cream but I decided to stay behind and rest. I still didn't have full strength and the next day was our second day with Return Ministry where we would walk the village and do home visits. I knew that would take a lot, so I headed to bed early. Without my fearsome roommate with me, I enterd the sitting room outside our door only to find my cockroach waiting for me. I grabbed a shoe and held it over him. I must have had a good day, because I didn't even have it in me to kill him. I said good-night to my new friend and asked him politely to not come back in my room. A shower was a must before climbing into my sleep sac on top of the bed and getting a great nights sleep.